feeling blue..

I am doing my sadhana..of course had given up on it for 2 months which I cant repent enough for!And boy what a difference..I now understand the importance of regular sadhana..Guess I should look at it as a lesson learned..WILL NEVER EVER AGAIN DO THIS MISTAKE!NEVER! should thank guruji for not giving up on me I guess..Am sucha lazy procrastinating ass!Wonder what i was in my previous birth???!!A tree maybe..who didn't move..but guess the tree is more useful to mankind than I am right now!Talk about feeling low huh??I dont know what it is that makes me depressed..Because "K" found someone he could replace me with or because I haven't found someone to replace him with..I actually don't want anyone to take his place..I just want somebody who I can share my life, my values, my love with..sigh! wen I will meet that person I do not know..but for sure it wil be somebody who guruji chooses!yup!that is for sure..somebody who is easy to get along and who values the same things in life as I do..I LOVE GURUJI! he is the most most awesome person ever and I truly madly deeply wish I get to at least spread the joy and knowledge that he has blessed me with by his presence in my life. I am so blessed to have a family that value similar things in life and we all must have earned some pretty good karma to have guruji in our life this birth!Job,marriage, loans, money, health..huh..when one thinks of everything it is so overwhelming..but the lesson to be learnt is to take one thing at a time and work and give 100% from your side to each and everything that u undertake..Right now I wish there was a "someone special" to share my feelings with..but I guess I need to rely on myself more and seek internal solace and support rather than searching for it outside of me!I only pray that I be blessed with courage, patience, diligence and perseverance by guruji to stay steady on the path taken!JGD!

I thought I was ready!

Well..I registered on a matrimonial site after much goading from my family.After my breakup with M(for moron!) I thought I was so ready and had gotten over him..but apparently I am stuck in the same revolving door and I keep coming back to the same point!warning signs flashing b'coz M is married now!ya got married to a total stranger few days ago..gave into his parents demands in the end and trampled all over my heart like a bulldozer!The worst part is I know he still loves me(duh!)he told me the day he was leaving the country forever(duh again!).
This situation reminds me of the lyric of the song"save the best for last" by Vanessa Williams where she says " how could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me"how can he?? I have no answer! Guess its my own fault for having built all these dreams in my head imagining me and him being together!ya my fault for loving and giving my 100%!The very idea of spending my life with somebody else bothers me to the point of cringing and I wonder how long it will be before I accept the situation at hand and move on!well my inner thoughts are screaming in answer"the sooner the better"!sigh..

rambling..

Well apparently nothing can beat laziness! and I have learnt this over and over again! and if ever there was a ceremony to "award laziness"..I would definitely be nominated! Hundreds of things pending that need to be taken care of..but here I am procrastinating it to neverland! The other day I got to know that my dad was diagnosed with High BP and diabetes..well dad always was confident about being the healthy one "as opposed" to mom and therefore was taken by surprise!(ya right!smoking,drinking,no exercise..not a surprise to the rest of us!)..the good thing out of it..it din't affect his heart..and he has given up on his vices..so thats good..but the question is do we have to wait to give up the vice till its almost destroyed us??take me for instance..I am "blessed" with "sugar and salt genes" and still continue to abuse my body..theres always been a resolution to lose weight, to eat healthy and to exercise ..but none of it has ever seen the light of the day! So heres to a better me..who will try to take care of herself and also help in spreading awareness that "Prevention is definitely better than cure"!

People!

I know this topic has been tread upon for eternity, but I still would like to have a go at it..( hellloo..its my blogspot!).Coming back to "people" which as a term refers collectively to all humans , who in turn according to scientific definition are bipedal primates belonging to mammalian species, Homo sapiens (which in Latin=wise man/knowing man! r u kidding???) in the family Hominidae ( the great apes..Ya! this I can believe!). Furthermore, humans are said to be social by nature, participating in highly complex social structures made possible by a highly developed brain which allows for reasoning & introspection!voila! The reason I am ranting is because I had the misfortune of meeting a certain someone who looked like a member of the species but acted in every way disproving it! For instance, the person isn't social, definitely NOT civil,no evidence of posession of brains( forget it being highly developed!), can't reason for a ****'s worth and introspective???..( gimme a break!). So all in all this person seems to be existing just as an overgrown(just girth wise!!!) primate! Which makes me wonder.. What exactly is our (humans!!) purpose here on earth...to just exist/ to live with a difference??!!
well ..the afore mentioned human is sure living differently (as an animal!!) ;-)