feeling blue..

I am doing my sadhana..of course had given up on it for 2 months which I cant repent enough for!And boy what a difference..I now understand the importance of regular sadhana..Guess I should look at it as a lesson learned..WILL NEVER EVER AGAIN DO THIS MISTAKE!NEVER! should thank guruji for not giving up on me I guess..Am sucha lazy procrastinating ass!Wonder what i was in my previous birth???!!A tree maybe..who didn't move..but guess the tree is more useful to mankind than I am right now!Talk about feeling low huh??I dont know what it is that makes me depressed..Because "K" found someone he could replace me with or because I haven't found someone to replace him with..I actually don't want anyone to take his place..I just want somebody who I can share my life, my values, my love with..sigh! wen I will meet that person I do not know..but for sure it wil be somebody who guruji chooses!yup!that is for sure..somebody who is easy to get along and who values the same things in life as I do..I LOVE GURUJI! he is the most most awesome person ever and I truly madly deeply wish I get to at least spread the joy and knowledge that he has blessed me with by his presence in my life. I am so blessed to have a family that value similar things in life and we all must have earned some pretty good karma to have guruji in our life this birth!Job,marriage, loans, money, health..huh..when one thinks of everything it is so overwhelming..but the lesson to be learnt is to take one thing at a time and work and give 100% from your side to each and everything that u undertake..Right now I wish there was a "someone special" to share my feelings with..but I guess I need to rely on myself more and seek internal solace and support rather than searching for it outside of me!I only pray that I be blessed with courage, patience, diligence and perseverance by guruji to stay steady on the path taken!JGD!